The feeling one
gets from a full stomach is wondrous. I
know very little about a lot, except when it comes to the consumption of food,
a topic I think everyone should share in glorious over-consuming detail. I
think it’s because consuming food is necessary, like chatting over cups of tea,
in keeping us alive; and because it is a completely pleasurable form of
entertainment. Overeating however is a bit of a sensitive topic. Much like the
other deadly sins – jealousy, coveting neighbours wives and such, gluttony is
the number one contender (let’s not forget Facebook over-sharing) as our most
unappealing trait.
But we all do
it. Yes you too, so save your disdain for some other disgusting bodily function
like pretending you don’t fart (ever) or do those weird stinky burps where
you wonder if something has died. I think it is high time we celebrate the
glutton in all our over eating glory, ensuring a comfortable and safe passage
for our fatty habits. The perfect solution being the eating pant. Our go to item
of clothing when the tum is full and comfort is at a premium. Could you please
stop shaking your head, I saw you smash many a kebab in your day. You eat like
a pig. You make me feel sick.
Being a new year and all of that, I thought I'd kick off with a handy top five most comfortable pants to wear when over-eating in a blatant disregard of all new year diety-type things. Feel free to weigh in if you think something has been missed.
1. The Qantas PJs.
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| Photo from: www.thoughts.gavsta.com |
Many of us who ride zoo
class wouldn’t be aware of these grey delights but holy snapping duck shit,
these pants are an elasticized revelation worthy of the ticket price and snooty
co-passengers. And lets celebrate for a moment the fact that they come in 2 relaxed
fit sizes – L/XL and M/L. I know, I know...
Oh yes, that bit of Aussie/Kiwi (do the Chinese own it
yet?) cotton generated comfort is all about happy eating. Thick elasticized
bands that contain and support rather than constrict, bright cheery colours,
and occasionally slimming designs that make you look like you’ve shed a kilo or
two – and that’s before you’ve even been to the toilet. (Refer back to over sharing point, paragraph 1) A gluttons dream.
3
3. Nappy pants
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| Image from: blogs.houstonpress.com |
Those trendy
overpriced nappy pants that look
like you are trying to hide a weird front bum or schlep around the shops like a
celebrity. Its safe to say you’ll look like a bit of a twat but
you’ll be comfortable in these come what may, I don’t care how weird I look
stretching odyssey.
4. MC Hammer pants.
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| Image from: www.beststuff.com |
AAhh the 80s. We
have so much to be thankful for. These pants are hands down one of the best
inventions for those of over eating inclination. You almost want to (over
eating permitting) do a spin in front of those portion control loving types while
singing “you cant touch this.” If only you weren't so full.
5. Harem pants
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| Image from:theprintjunkie.blogspot.com |
Harem pants from those lentil eating, hemp loving,
reef sandal baring hippy shops. If you can bare the scent of cheap incense, and
don’t mind the odd scratch of cheap cotton against skin then these bad boys are
made for the over eater. They stretch for days with the fajihita expanding
freedom one could only dream of. Good times.
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